Get Back To Work!
The doodles, comics, videos and curiosities accumulated by comedian Jake Young.
Jake Young | Create Your Badge
-
Open Letter to The International Guild of Professional Butlers:
by Jake YoungDear Sirs,
During one of my routine hours-long Wikipedia trawls I happened upon the fact that since 2007, there has been a sharp increase in demand for butlers. Now, I have received no formal training in hospitality or household management, but as the income gap continues to grow I’d be a fool not to pursue this field. So, I’d like to join your guild and present you with the following qualifications.- I can perfectly emulate Alfred Pennyworth from any incarnation of the batman mythology. Though I’d prefer the 90’s Animated incarnation, I could surprise my future “Mawstah” every day. At Breakfast I’d go with a wry and nasal Michael Caine, by evening I could delight my employer with some pre-crisis “bumbling detective antics”! Oh what fun we will have. Also, I would not hesitate to operate on bullet wounds without anesthesia (I assume that’s like 90% of Butlering).
- Willingness to keep quiet about bonkers sexual stuff. Look, I understand things can get boring. Once you’ve had your fill of models and débutantes, sometimes you just want to invite over some politicians, two dozen prostitutes, and bust out those sweet antique venetian masks and party down! Imagine how pleased your various power-mad sex guests will be as I open the door to the “Love Dungeon” in full uniform with a knowing, reassuring smile and tell them “right this way gentlemen, the party is in full… ‘dot dot dot’ swing”. Then handing them a bucket of golden dildos and paper towels and letting them be on their way. What I’m trying to say is, I’m very classy.
- I will Butle the shit out of your shit. What’s that? Your yacht’s disorganized? BAM! Shit just got Butlled. Caviar serving tray not gleaming enough? I will Butle through heaven and hell to make sure that goddamn bastard of a tray shines like eyes of almighty Zeus. Somebody in the company says they’ll go public with the real reason you built that bunker? Give me some piano wire and some classical music and I will Butle his very life away. I should probably mention that I have no idea what a Butler technically does, but what I am sure of is that I’m probably great at it.
I hope this letter reaches you, please find my contact information on my facebook page, and god bless.
- I can perfectly emulate Alfred Pennyworth from any incarnation of the batman mythology. Though I’d prefer the 90’s Animated incarnation, I could surprise my future “Mawstah” every day. At Breakfast I’d go with a wry and nasal Michael Caine, by evening I could delight my employer with some pre-crisis “bumbling detective antics”! Oh what fun we will have. Also, I would not hesitate to operate on bullet wounds without anesthesia (I assume that’s like 90% of Butlering).
